Talk:Rutilus Maculosus Lupus
Hi, Njalm2, I'm [[User:Illuminated Void|Illuminate'd' Void]] (not to be confused with Illuminat'e' Void), but everyone either calls me Koukishi or Kou (my name before my account got hacked). Anyways, I know you've been here for about two weeks, but I'd like to properly welcome you to Bleach Fanfiction Wikia! I hope you enjoy your stay here. Anyways, I'd like to say job well done on Rutilus(: He is truly a very great character, especially for someone as new as you. Moving on, I'd like to do a review of Rutilus, but that's up to you. Please let me know what you think. Ciao~ --- [[User:Illuminated Void|'Gamemaster']] (Rules) 02:23, February 19, 2011 (UTC) :Review: *'Introduction:' It's short, sweet and to the point, which I like. However, I think it should be a bit longer. The introduction should be a synopsis of your character, and judging from how much information you have on him, I suggest adding to that paragraph and add another paragraph. Besides that, I like it. *'Appearance:' You wrote his appearance section in great detail, which I respect (I know how hard it is to do so). I like that you gave his Human and Wolf formes their own sections, but I think you could add just a bit more to it. Also, you should take out the italics, because they're most commonly used to emphasize a certain word or phrase, not a whole section. Anyways, cheers to his appearance. *'Personality:' Due to his status as a Diabolus, I had a feeling he'd have this personality. >__> Anyways, it is greatly detailed, outclassing many veteran users here on BFF (you know who you are, people). My most favourite part of his personality has to be that he's more of a fair Diabolus, instead of cheating his way into his contracts. The only problems I see with his personality is the italics and your grammar could use some work. An example of this would be the following: "Rutilus is also noted for his love of dogs, he'll steal food for lone dogs. Cuddle with them and treat them very well. As such, Rutilus also commonly have a pack of dogs whom he's trained for a variety of purposes, including luring soon-to-be victims closer to him, and most commonly. Work as guards for a person or object that he wishes to protect." Instead of "Rutilus is also noted for his love of dogs, he'll steal food for lone dogs. Cuddle with them and treat them very well," you could say "Rutilus has been noted by many of his fellow Diabolus that he loves dogs, as he's been seen stealing food for them, as well as cuddling them and treating them as if they were his own kin." The only real problems with your grammar is your use of periods and commas. You use several comma splices in a paragraph (comma splice is when you use a period when it should be a comma). Oops, I think I went a little overboard on his personality. Sorry, I just love psychology! *'History:' Moving on, I enjoyed reading his history section, as it was not too long, but not too short either. It was detailed (like the rest of Rutilus's sections) and I could just picture his life as I read it. Hat's off to ya on that one! Like previous sections, your use of italics in the first paragraph wasn't needed, and your grammar could use some work. Besides those two cons, he's great(: *'Powers & Abilities:' I'm gonna skip the "Equipment" section, as I don't really like reading them. Anywho... again, this section is very detailed. I like that he gave up certain powers/abilities to gain his speed and strength. He seems like a more balanced character than most, which could make people think he's weak, but he'd be hard to be in an RP. Besides grammar, italics and a few spelling errors, this sections as good as the others! :Now, I hope you enjoyed my review, and to finish this little review, I'll add my final rating of the character: *''Rating:'' 8/10 - He's not a perfect character, but is one of the best of BFF! Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, --- [[User:Illuminated Void|'Gamemaster']] (Rules) 16:51, February 19, 2011 (UTC) Formal Review by Illuminate Void Alright, here's my review of Rutilus. '''Introduction:' The Introduction is done very well, providing a basic overall view of this character. You could add a bit more information regarding his current whereabouts as you did detail a bit of his history. Overall, its short enough that I'm not annoyed by its length, and detailed enough that I start imagining this character from the start. Appearance: This in my opinion was done so well, I had to adapt it for my own characters. You have done an excellent job of nailing the physical description of your character, even including his Diabolus form and common human form, which is good for establishing the type of person that he is. In regards to Diabolus and their human forms, they should reflect some...aspect of themselves, it should be the physical manifestation of their personality. Consider Dorothy and her appearance; she is rather unique, wears schoolgirl clothing, has oddly shaped wings, etc. This is to illustrate her state of mind, and general outlook. While an adult she enjoys playing "games", Im sure you know by now what that means. And Aurora, despite being over two-hundred years old, she has the appearance of a melacholic girl. This shows at least outwardly that she see's herself as a sort of little sister. She's quiet, emotionless (to a degree), etc. Let your human form persona what your Diabolus is, it isnt about finding a cool looking pic, but finding one that best illustrates how the Diabolus presents itself. Personality: The personality section is also done quite well, however I sense a hesitance to truly commmit Rutilus to the side of evil. Diabolus can show compassion, even love (they are manifestations of intense emotions mind you), they are also inherently evil. But given the way he was born, I can somewhat see his reluctance. You state that Rutilus is vengence, wrath and hatred personified, however given his actions in the stories you've created, I have yet to see such characteristics. Not that I'm telling you how to play your character, but aspects that make him evil should be more prevalent in his character. I noticed you chose Guhoo Li from Veritas as his image in the infobox. I felt this was a good decision as both characters represent wrath and vengence. Him keeping promises and following a code of honor is right on spot with being a wolf, a noble creature. You also mention he is fond of children. I can also see that, accepting it as part of his "pack mentality". But he is still a Diabolus, and however good intentioned he may be, there should probably be some darker aspect as to why he does so. Nuturing the childrens own wrath and vengence, aiding them to seek power at all costs, etc, would add a dark twist to his somewhat compassionate spirit. Its also fine that he loves dogs, but again, this love has the potential to manifest itself as something diabolical. Like with the kids, he freely grants canines infernal powers, turning them into Hell hounds. Hmm actually that would be a pretty interesting ability he could have. History: I enjoyed his history a lot actually, and it inspired me to include some background information on Dorothy's page as well. Its short but gets the point across, and his various persona's are illustrated well enough that they reflect his personality, another great thing you did. His human world cover should also reflect the kind of people he goes after. I had Aurora target schools specifically because students are more likely to seek vengence since they are often subject to bullying, humiliation, etc. Other than I dont have much else to say about the History. Its well done, and I've taken many points from your characters as ways of improving my own. Powers & Abilities: This is an important section for most characters, and I still have trouble fleshing everything out. You on the other hand, have seemingly no problems whatsoever. His powers are detailed, and without the flowerly wording most authors use (myself included). That i find is as one of your most endearing qualities as a writer. Rutilus has a slew of unique powers, but also has carefully constructed weaknesses and at least some means of making up for them. He's powerful, but not so much that he's considered some overpowered character, nor is he weak enough that he can be defeated easily, even by stronger opponents. You've kept to his wolf theme, something I applaud you for, even stuck to the latin naming for both his name and abilities. Simply put, Rutilus is an incrediably balanced character, and a breath of fresh air on this wiki. There is absolutely nothing negative about this part, as I have nothing but praise. Faustian Bargain: Once again, I follow in your example, detailing my own characters and the contracts they obtain and how. This section was done really well, and the one-shot you created only helped to solidify this part. But as I mentioned in regards to your personality, expanding on his darker side, to obtain contracts could be better illustrated. Overall: Rutilus is a well made character, every section serves to reinforce the character image, or expand on whats already been established. This isnt a good character, its a great one. However that is not all there is to this review. As I understand you hate having inactive characters and I understand, its the same with my Kenshin Yagami. I just cant seem to get the blood flowing in regards to him regardless of what i've done. This is because I didnt have any long-term goals for him. While he is interesting, he has no driving or motivation force. We should really do an RP between Rutilus and Dorothy. And in my opinion it should be Rutilus seeking Dorothy out, instead of the other way around. Given that Rutilus has his pack mentality, I can see him looking for Dorothy as he believes she can help him further his goals. Every pack needs a leader and I think the reason he joined her was because he saw that. If you want it, I can help you iron out Rutilus and his ambitions, cause without him, you're not going to have the....drive to make stories for him. As a sneak preview, Dorothy is technically on the run from one of the four lords of hell. They will have a bit of history, and its why Dorothy was so intent on finding a way to escape from hell. This also provides additional motivation for her and her army. She needs all of you to grow in strength, so her initial plans will be ways of gathering mass amounts of souls in short periods of time. A war is on the horizon, there will be clashes with Shinigami, Hollows, and even humans (thanks to Chrono for that one). Anyway thats all I have for now. Questions, comments, you know where to find me. --- Illuminate Void 20:05, March 2, 2011 (UTC) Akira Inugami FTW!!! --- Illuminate Void 00:17, March 6, 2011 (UTC) Void's Epithet Review First off, Id like to say that you've done a great job of capturing the essence of an Ephitet. I'd also like to make note that by narrowing Rutilus's specialities, you made it very easy to come up with new and specific techniques, which is another added bonus. The phrase used for his ephitet fits the conception that you've given for Rutilus, and in a way explains his nature overall. The imagery you've provided is well enough that we as the readers can picture him in our heads, with very little trouble. Now, onward to the review! Volvo Everto Now, I'm just going over the given powers and how they well suited they are Rutilus, and how they mesh up altogether. I think thats the real intent of your request, as opposed to saying "is it written good", but "do the abilities fit the character", so thats the assumption I'm going with. You already have Rutilus specialized as a highly mobile hand-to-hand combatant. Like you stated in the trivia he fights sorta like Rigaldo from Claymore and I think you've captured that along with a martial arts werewolf sort of motif. The condensed spiritual energy flows nicely with the coat of energy and thickened. I can see both as byproducts of the first, and further alludes to his specilalization as a melee combatant. Im particularly intrigued by the enhanced perceptions, and how you've described the changes, which also fits for those who are moving at high speeds, something most people overlook, so its both a surprise and good that didnt. It makes Rutilus stand out as a high speed character. I also like how you portrayed the beginnings of one technique - Impendo Orbis, and then go on to explain how it can be used in various fashions, either by throwing it, surround himself with it defensively/offensively. Simple and very efficient. Again, going back to his condensed spiritual energy with the Manus Trucido, and its own abilities, a nice touch, and an improvement on an already existing ability. The Energy claws, and their variants are also nice, but at this point, I feel that the sections with the Impendo Orbis and the energy claws could have been condensed into a single entry since they are more or less the same power but with a different name and extended applications. Consider merging the two. Overall, Ephitet has an emphasis on condensing his power, and allowing him to manipulate through his limbs for various physical augments. An improved version of what he already was able to do, but nonetheless very fitting with his concept and battle tactics. However there is more you could do. Im surprised that even as a wolf you never developed abilities relating to a wolfs howl, to affect a targets mind, such as through song, or even inducing varying levels of fear. Using the howl to summon barghest from the netherworld, or even standard wolves would also be interesting. You also never mentioned any affiliation with the moon, and while its mythology and perhaps a bit cliche at this point, its still an avenue to consider. There is also his other senses such as scent and hearing that you could expand upon as well. Anyways, hope this review satisfies with what you were looking for and sorry for the delay. I've had to write several papers lately and so Im a tad bit burned out at the moment, hence my sporadic updates and whatnot. --- Illuminate Void (Talk) 16:54, June 26, 2011 (UTC)